There are a number of articles that have been written on the miraculous healing potentials of Ayahuasca, and it has featured in respectable mainstream media publications such as National geographic, Elle, Men’s Health and the New York Times. This article is intended as a testimony, to share both my experience of an Ayahuasca ceremony, which took place at a Life Transformational Shamanic Retreat, and my path to healing from the subsequent mental and emotional trauma, confusion and devastation that I experienced both during and after an Ayahuasca ceremony.
Ayahuasca
Ayahausca is a powerful hallucinogenic/psychoactive brew made out of the Banisteriopsis Caapi (Ayahuasca) vine, containing the hallucinogen DMT (Dimethyletryptamine) which is activated by MAOI (Monoamine oxidase inhibitor). The Ayahuasca brew has a long history of ritual use among indigenous shamanic groups across the Upper Amazon throughout Peru, Columbia, Ecuador and Brazil, and is associated with healing in collective ceremonies.
This ancient practice dates back centuries, having spread outside of indigenous groups in the latter part of the 19th century, such ceremonies can now be found through a variety of contexts such as enlightenment retreats, neo-shamanic workshops, self-discovery weekends and eco-lodges specialising in spiritual tourism.
Ayahuasca, known as “the vine of the soul”, “Mother Ayahuasca” or “the teacher plant” amidst Ayahuasca communities, is believed to be able to provide healing, insight and revelation into life’s many mysteries. The chances of accidentally stumbling across the Ayhuasca brew would be less than one in a million, and when asked about the discovery or origin of Ayahuasca, some shaman today still maintain that it was the plants who told them about the extraordinary potentials of the ancient brew
WIKIPEDIA
Shamanism is a practice that involves a practitioner reaching altered states of consciousness in order to perceive or interact with a spirit world and channel these transcendental energies into this world.
A shaman is someone who is regarded as having access to, and influence in, the world of benevolent and malevolent spirits, who typically enters into a trance state during a ritual, and practices divination and healing.
Evocation is the act of calling upon or summoning a spirit, demon or other supernatural agent.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Life Before Ayahuasca
I had always been very interested in holistic healing and health, and had long since set out on a path of trying to achieve success, happiness and personal fulfilment by reading countless books, attending courses, workshops, motivational talks and seminars which were presented by the world’s leading authorities and internationally renowned authors on subjects like mind power, personal mastery and spiritual growth, in the hope that I might become a complete and integrated human being.
I had also been struggling with a substance addiction for just over ten years. My life had spiralled out of control, and I eventually reached a point where I had to undergo a sedated detox. I managed to abstain for just over two years, but relapsed soon after. Shortly after my daughter was born, I entered into the Celebrate Recovery Program through Mighty Wings Rehabilitation Centre. Mighty Wings is a Christ centred organisation, but I was however a non-believer at the time I began my recovery. The program helped me tremendously and I was able to make vast improvements in various areas of my life.
Despite my best efforts, tremendous success in recovery and a strong support structure, I began to deteriorate emotionally and reached a point where I knew I needed help. I had often hoped in various forms of energy healing modalities such as Transformational Kinesiology, and had already attended a number of workshops and self-discovery retreats; as such I had become aware of the ceremonial use of plant medicines (Ayahuasca, Iboga and San Pedro). After hearing about Ayahuasca, and having been faced with a number of significant mental and emotional challenges while trying to overcome addiction, I became interested in the numerous accounts, and powerful healing possibilities associated with this ancient indigenous shamanic practice; so when the opportunity arrived I decided to attend a shamanic life transformational retreat.
I must admit that I was not entirely aware of what the practice of shamanism actually entailed at this point. The organisation which hosted the retreat had a large following, and appeared as being helpful and compassionate when I first contacted them. The course seemed to overflow with exciting activities which appeared to offer the answers and healing that I was so desperately in search
Down The Rabbit Hole Shamanic Transformation Camp
FRI 15 – 20 DEC
Calling the Tribe countrywide together: “The Team, who have safely guided countless souls into what they fondly call ‘Natures soul’ over the years, have brought together a dynamic team of individuals to create the ultimate transformation Camp. This four day course includes Sacred plant ceremonies, Fire ceremonies, yoga, sweat lodges, multiple Transformation workshops, Life coaching sessions, Forgiveness Workshops, Releasing Cellular Pain, Reconnecting to Gaia, Talk on Death by a Palliative expert, Writing a new sacred contract with life for the new year, animal communication sessions and even “find your voice workshops”.
The Retreat
I arrived at the Resort on Friday the 15th December. I was greeted with a hug and welcomed by the hosts, who referred to the retreat as their place of love. Once everyone had settled in, we began preparing for the Ayhuasca ceremony, which took place at 18:00 that evening.
As we began preparing for the ceremony, the members of our group gathered in a circle. The hosts introduced themselves, and explained their intentions behind developing the retreat. We were invited up to the altar, and while drinking in (the brew is given in a tea cup size serving) were told to honour the mind, soul and the eternity.
My experience started off gradually and I began to notice numerous fields of geometric patterns emerge, but soon felt that something was wrong. I started to sense an overwhelming presence of evil, and asked one of the facilitators; “Why is everything so dark?” She responded, “There is no darkness here, this is you, what you are seeing is your own darkness, that is your inner self, don’t you see?”
The mood quickly began to change, it was now aggressive. “We are going to journey to hell, to see the other side of death, but once you have conquered hell there will be nothing left for you to fear, nothing on earth or after death,” they explained. The hosts began a ritual performance of song, chanting and drumming. (Shamanic chants are used to call upon the spiritual powers beyond our visible reality).
I then found myself being thrust into what seemed to be some sort of otherworldly realm. Whether I was in my body or out of my body, I did not know. I could not tell whether I was alive or dead, or whether what I was experiencing was a vision, or if it was actually happening. I lost all perception of time, and could not tell how long I had been in this state. There was no beginning and no end.
The Shaman’s Drum
The drum is one of the major tools, if not the most important tool of the shaman. This is because the drum enables the shaman to go into a deep trance which is vital for divination and to journey into the Otherworld.
But inducing a trance state is not the only use of the drum. The drum is a tool with a long history as a musical instrument and ceremonial tool in many cultures and shamanic traditions.
The drum can be used for clearing space, for sacred dance (which is a form of worship), for getting into a trance, for calling spirits, for divination (divining the future) or getting messages from Spirit.
My experience was one of absolute delirium and my only understanding during the ceremony was that I had been deceived, while believing that I would be trapped in this unfathomable abyss of terror, chaos and turmoil eternally. It was this eternity of anguish, in a solitary place as dark as the grave, were I felt sorrow. It was because of this hopelessness, that I was overcome by distress. I felt a deep sense of regret and remorse which caused my soul to sink, and I began weeping, but only in vain.
Our ceremony ended in the early hours of Saturday morning, as the sun began to break. I was in state of confusion, unable to mentally process what had happened. After breakfast we were rushed off to the next activity (cults use mind numbing techniques like debilitating work routines which serve to supress doubts about the group and its leaders). The day would comprise of a number of Transformational workshops and talks.
Our second ceremony took place on Sunday the 17th December at 18:00. (Multiple ceremonies are usually encouraged at Ayahuasca retreats). By this stage I was exhausted from insufficient rest coupled with a busy schedule.
The hosts began their ritual performance of song, chanting and drumming. Once again I sensed an overwhelming and frightening presence of evil. My vision began to distort, the appearance of the hosts transformed, into large animal like creatures and no longer occurred to me as being human beings.
I began to hear animal-like noises in-between the chanting (hissing, howling and grunting), and a number of the people in our circle began to vomit which the hosts encouraged by knocking on the floor. The hisses seemed to echo and travel around the room, and they would sing, “The angels fall at our feet, come demons, come home children.”
I felt as helpless as a lamb, stuck in some sort of unfathomable dark, eerie wilderness, or void of absolute terror and turmoil.
Priest Of The Devil
The earliest known depiction of a Siberian shaman, produced by the Dutch explorer Nicolaes Witsen, who authored an account of his travels among Samoyedic- and Tungusic-speaking peoples in 1692. Witsen labelled the illustration as a “Priest of the Devil” and gave this figure clawed feet to highlight his demonic qualities
-Wikipedia
I had somehow still not managed to figure out exactly what was going on, but was terrified, knowing that I was in a great amount of danger, and that there was nothing that I would be able to do about it. I cried out for help. One of the facilitators sat beside me, and brushed over my body with a large feather saying, “Come; leave him now, he needs a break.” As she did this I experienced a brief moment of complete tranquillity and bliss, but then as she walked away and vanished, seemingly into the distance, my unthinkable nightmare began all over. I tried to close my eyes to escape the terror of what I was seeing, but as I did this I was overwhelmed with the most unfathomable, crude and detestable visions of human death, destruction and of the crucifixion; which visions were so unthinkable and nauseating that I began to purge.
In-between the chanting, they would sing; “There is only a sky above us, nothing more, no hell beneath our feet!” A dark, demonic, shadow-like figure appeared, and hissed (sounding exactly like what you would expect to hear from a serpent) at the members of our circle and began to snicker as it withdrew into one of the hosts. I now realised that I was not at a healing retreat, but rather that this was a satanic practice and that the hosts of my ceremony to who I had so willingly entrusted my life had only intended to bring me harm through their alliance with demonic entities. It was this very moment, in which all of my previous unbelief and doubt was shattered, and I was overwhelmed by the immensity of the truth, God is real!
In the midst of what can only be described as pure evil, endless terror, chaos and anarchy, I had just received the greatest gift that could ever be given, which is being able to believe with absolute certainty in Jesus Christ
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Finding The Road To Recovery
I arrived home the next day, and breathed a sigh of relief, believing that my ordeal was over. As I fell asleep I began to experience terrifying demonic nightmares. I woke later that evening in a state of delirium, and suffered from a complete psychotic meltdown. I felt as though I had somehow, mentally been thrust back into the same ceremonial void which I had experienced during the night of my ceremony, and began to hallucinate, hear noises and experience visions.
I spent the next few weeks living from day to day, trying to survive between psychotic mental breaks. I lived in fear, constantly feeling overwhelmed by a dark, evil, ever-lurking and consuming presence. My visual field would often distort and shake. As this happened, I would experience demonic visions, hear animal-like hissing sounds and could feel my stomach turn as I frightfully cringed. It was like being mentally confined to the depths of hell while physically still being on earth. The stress began to affect my physical health; I started to experience chest pains and heart palpitations. I eventually decided to consult with a cardiologist, who was unable to find any physical fault.
I began trying to read the Gospel, but was unable to understand the context of what I was reading, or even why I was reading it. I received both counselling and prayer, but my nightmare continued. I tried to pray but was mentally overwhelmed with disturbing visions and thoughts at every attempt, and so unable to pray and in the midst of mental chaos and anarchy I would raise my hands and shout; “Jesus I love you”, in the hope that He might hear my desperate plea for help. In spite of every effort, I could just not seem to find the help, healing and guidance I was looking for.
EPHESIANS 6:14
STAND FIRM THEN WITH THE BELT OF TRUTH BUCKLED AROUND YOUR WAIST
I began to feel isolated and condemned. My mental health seemed to be getting worse and I started to perceive the world and everything in it as being evil. I felt evil and because of this I started to believe that I was condemned and that my prayers would not be answered. Had God turned away from me for good? I began to lose hope in salvation and considered seeking medical assistance.
After some contemplation I realised that if I turned to the medical industry for help, I would be dependent on their medication for the rest of my life. I was just not ready to give up and decided that despite my seemingly hopeless circumstances, feeling condemned, isolated and abandoned; I would continue to hope in Jesus.
I now realise that this was without any doubt the most important decision I had ever made, a true declaration of faith and the turning point in my life. Although I had lost all human reason for hope I had decided to stand firm and hope in faith!!
My Life Restored Through Faith In Jesus
Morning after morning, and throughout the day I would come aside to spend time with Jesus, in my booth. It took tremendous effort and a great deal of self-discipline at first, because I had often felt discouraged and as though I was not making any progress.
I had started a Bible reading plan, so that I could understand the context of what I was reading. I had also started reading Christian books, written by renowned authors so that I could learn how to spend time in God’s presence, how to hear the voice of the creator and how to receive His guidance and life-giving instructions.
Through persistence, this challenge which seemingly required a great deal of effort became a time of intimate fellowship and joy, and I slowly began to grow more deeply and thoroughly acquainted with Him. I had started to enjoy spending time with my Saviour; in fact I looked forward to it. The Gospel became real; His Word quite literally came to life and it felt as though God would talk directly to me through His scriptures, providing a way of escape.
During the times when my storm was at its absolute worst, and I felt as though I was drowning, desperate and helpless, I would withdraw to a nearby nature reserve, to spend time alone with God by reading His Gospel and Christian books. I would also read Psalm 91 every night. It was often during these darkest days, that I felt closest to God, surround by the peace and tranquillity of the Holy Spirit. Although I could not understand why I was still struggling and my circumstances where still so bad I could almost hear that still, small voice saying, “Trust me.”
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” Declares the Lord, “and I will bring you back from captivity.”
My deliverance was not immediate, there were often days when I felt down-hearted, discouraged and even physically exhausted. I struggled with my mental health. But as I began to hunger for the deeper things of God and magnify Jesus in the midst of my storm, the chaos and anarchy slowly started to die down and wither away. My faith began to grow and little by little, God showed me the way out, until I eventually reached a safe landing.
While being faced with a number of significant challenges and writing a song called “Different”, singer/songwriter Micah Taylor said; “I kept praying Jesus can you stop these things can you stop the storms, but I am finding out that sometimes the best question is not Jesus can you change these things around me but instead God can you change me so that I can handle the things that you are walking me through, so I keep singing and praying and believing”. As I write this, it has been exactly one year, to this very day since my ceremony and one year since I decided to follow Jesus.
Angus Buchan – The Booth
QUIETEN YOUR SPIRIT, OPEN YOUR HEART AND GOD WILL SPEAK TO YOU THROUGH THE SCRIPTURES
I am writing my testimony of a sound mind, and a grateful and loving spirit. Through faith, God has restored every aspect of my life and being. He has restored my mental and physical health to complete fullness. I believe that this great miracle of healing alone would be enough to fill any soul with gratitude; but God is loving.
I was awarded primary care of my three year old daughter after an exhausting legal process which had lasted over a year and a half. She had been taken away through addiction, an unstable relationship and was living in difficult circumstances.
I have almost completed the qualifications required for my chosen career. It is an academically based career that I had dreamed of for many years but was never able to achieve. My life has been given a new meaning. It has become full and exciting, because I now have a real and living experience with Jesus Christ.
GOOD NEWS IS FOR SHARING
By | Dr Richard L Strauss
Romans 1:16 for I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes
In one of the most powerful letters ever written, Paul’s letter to the Romans, he reminds us that the Gospel is the power of God unto salvation, to do the things that we do not have the power to do, like experience daily deliverance from the plagues of destruction that have been brought into our lives. That is what the Gospel provides – that is what Salvation is.
Romans 1:17 for in it [in the Gospel] the righteousness of God is revealed, from faith to faith, even as it is written, the just shall live by faith
This is why the Gospel is such good news; it offers righteousness, a right standing with God, not by works, but by faith alone – “from faith to faith.” What important words. Don’t miss them. That is, totally and completely by faith, from beginning to end. Paul offers an Old Testament quote to substantiate what he is saying. It says, more accurately “for he who is righteous by faith shall live” (Habakkuk 2:4)
In Paul’s letter to the Corinthians; ‘Now God has deposited with me the treasure of the Gospel’ (2 Corinthians 4:7).
Could it be that we fail to recognise the supreme value of this good news, this great treasure, this Gospel?
When we grasp the inestimable worth of our salvation, what it cost God to purchase it for us, and the infinite and eternal benefits that it provides for us, like living by faith, we won’t be able to keep from sharing it. What a great message from Paul in the book of Romans!
Romans 10:17 “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God,” [the Gospel of peace]
RYAN STEYN
I have written an article titled: Ayhuasca | The New Age, in which I have shared my own experience of an Ayhuasca ceremony and my path to healing from the subsequent mental and emotional devastation that I experienced both during and after the ceremony, with the goal and purpose of making Jesus known amongst others.
